Have you ever had some you just can't get out of your head?

[Jemima]

For about 3 years I have liked this guy. He is kind , respectful of everyone ( especially his mum and sisters ) and most importantly a christian! This makes it so easy to tell yourself that God would be encouraging the interest. The thing is ,I just can't get him out of my head. Infact , sometimes I get worried that I focus on him more than God , which is wrong. I've prayed to God so many times about giving me the thoughts and feelings towards the guy , that will help me along God's plan for me, but I havn't noticed any change.
I'm finding it really hard to put God first in all of this. Even when I go to church and youth weekly, I question whether I'm more excited about God , or about seeing this person!
Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

[armourbearer]

Originally Posted by Jemima

I'm finding it really hard to put God first in all of this. Even when I go to church and youth weekly, I question whether I'm more excited about God , or about seeing this person!
Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

I understand how you feel. The overwhelming feeling that sweeps over you once you see and possibly interact with the person you have strong feelings for. It can be exciting!

I can somewhat relate to this situation. I was glad when I came across an article that really spoke to me, and I'd be more than happy to share an excerpt with you.

"...our faith and love for God are the only subjects that can stir up similar passions. That's why people often fear they are losing touch with God when they fall in love. For the first time, they feel emotions as strong or stronger than those God inspires. It's like an eclipse, where the moon's shadow blocks out the sun. It's disturbing to feel that somehow God has been replaced.

But the truth is that God is not in competition with human love. During an eclipse, the moon doesn't block out the sun forever. Likewise, our feelings for God may be eclipsed temporarily when we fall in love because it's an exciting rush. But if we follow God's direction and pursue love in a way that honors him, we'll come to the point where our love for God overflows in a whole new way. Remember, the sun and the moon are not really in competition. The moon has no light at all without the sun. In the same way, your love for someone of the opposite sex draws all its strength and joy from God himself, who created us so we could love each other."

I would advise you to never stop going to church or youth weekly. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is meditate on Scripture that will motivate you to stay focused, like Philippians 4:8, for example. It reads "And now brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable..."[Philippians 4:8-NLT]. The worst thing that could happen is if you somehow give into your emotions and find yourself in a compromising situation. I don't know what the guy is like, so I'm hoping he is matured enough spiritually to understand how you feel, and won't take advantage of you. It's natural to like someone, there's nothing sinful about liking a person as long as you practice self-control. Maybe you, him, and some of the other youth whom you know well can all hang out together. There is a safe way to get to know someone, and what better way to do that than go out and have fun with people from your church. It should feel like family already. ^_^


Moreover, I'm not sure if it's necessary to ask God to "give thoughts and feelings towards the guy" if you already acknowledged that you like him. It's good that you made your requests known to God, but instead of asking God about giving you these "feelings," just submit yourself to God and He will show you which direction He wants you to move. That doesn't mean that you can't like this person, because just a minute ago, I suggested that there's a way that you can really get to know them. But the key things is to put all of your trust in God, and it could possibly mean temporarily forgetting any thought or idea about the future; in other words holding off until you know you're ready to be in a relationship. It sounds like you want a relationship with this person. That's fine, but I would pray and wait patiently for God to give you an answer. God knows all of our needs before we even pray about them.

I hope this helps. Take care and best wishes.

[Little princess]

I too can fully relate to what it is like to find yourself in a position where you have spent years liking someone to the point where you feel unable to get them out of your head -- and I think I can safely say that I'm not the only one reading this thread who has experienced this first-hand. Truthfully, I think this is something that most girls go through as teens or young adults, as we find ourselves attracted to the guys in our life.

Sometimes I think that as young Christian women, we fear that if we even think about the opposite gender in a "more than friends" way then we're committing some horrific sin and we will be banished to the far ends of the earth for doing so. We make a committment to remain physically pure until our wedding day -- but this doesn't stop our heart from racing when a certain fella walks into the room. And what happens when that fella is a God-fearing all round amazing awesome person?

And as said before, this isn't a bad thing. In fact, it's completely normal even if it is annoying! As amourbearer has already said, God hs created us to be female and to develop such feels for the males in our life is certainally not sinful. God has created us with the ability to love and for some reason this love involves the situation where guys can invade our hearts and minds by doing next to nothing at all -- it is all part of the package known as being female!


But just because something is normal, doesn't make it easy. In fact, I know from my own experience that it can be really really hard when we find ourselves daydreaming about a certain guy, when we talk to God about it and wind up feeling more confusion than clarity and when we find we are thinking about a guy more than we are thinking about God. These feelings may be normal but they can still be horribly annoying as we try to figure out what on earth to do with the thoughts.

The truth is, there is no 11th commandment that says "Thou shalt not have a crush" and so when it comes to the lines which separates appropriate thoughts from inappropirate ones, the waters can be hard to surf. How much is okay to think about this young man and to enjoy the warm feelings which this encompases? How much is thinking about him too much? When does the crush change from being a good thing to being unhealthy?

The fact that you feel it is damaging your relationship with God is a warning sign to me that you recognise that what probably started as a simple crush has become unhealthy -- at least for the timebeing. I've been there too, I know what it's like. I wish I had an easy "quick-fix" solution for you but unfortunately I don't.

But what I can say is this. If you find yourself thinking about him, not try to suppress the thoughts. Don't wake up and make a resolution that you WONT think about him (because if you do that you'll find you spend all your time thinking about not thinking about him). Don't make a promise to yourself that you will NOT TALK TO HIM at youth group (because then you'll spend all your time thinking about how you won't talk to him). Instead, recognise your feelings are there and acknoweldge they are not a bad thing. Don't be afraid to spend time with him at church or youth group -- but be careful your doing so doesn't become excessive. If you catch yourself obsecessing after him or physically lusting after him then find something which can take your attention away from him (maybe replacing a thought about him with a prayer to God, limiting the amout of facebook / email / texting you do with him, play a sport, sing a song, cook a treat, do a cross-word, count back from 1000000 in 7's or so forth).

You may also find that doing something different with God may be a new way for you to re-focus on him. Maybe you could find an online devotion to be sent to your e-mail every day? Maybe you could try hand-writing out some passages from the bible rather than just reading them? Maybe you could read a christian novel? Or start a prayer journal or prayer scrapbook? Maybe you could ask your mum or a friend if they'd like to read through a book of the bible with you? Maybe you could try a 'prayer list' where you pray for somebody different every day - thanking God for what they have done in your life. In other words, make spending time with God as exciting as spending time with this guy!

At the end of the day, there are no easy answers. I know because I've been there. I will be praying that your longings for what "could be" will not distract you for living in the present -- as you go about your day to day life, may you be a blessing to those around you.

I'd like to end with a quote from a book called "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. There are so many gems in this book and it's really touched me at various points in my life. I hope this will touch you too.

"We need to learn to live by the supernatural. Ordinary fare will not fill the emptiness in our hearts...How else will we learn to eat it, if we are never hungry? How educate our tastes for heavenly things if we are surfeited with earthly?...My heart was saying, "Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long.' The Lord was answering, 'I must teach you to long for something better.'...God knew that giving me Jim when I wanted him would not provide the far more important training I needed for things to come. It was in learning to eat that Living Bread, sufficient always for one day at a time, that I was taught and disciplined and prepared for later things." (p. 112-113)

Too often we scream like a little kid to God: I want this/him NOW. But God knows what is best for us, he knows that through our periods of longing and emptiness that we can learn some valuable lessons. And maybe, right now, God is teaching you to long for something greater than simply this guy -- for Him.

And maybe one day 5 years from now you'll look back on this time and realise how God was working in your life -- maybe this guy will still be a "special somebody", or may he won't. Either way -- rest in the knowledge that He is soverign.

[SaviorLives4]

I've felt the same way. What I can say from personal experiences, is that, if this certain person is always on your mind, maybe he is supposed to be there. However, with the questioning whether you are more excited about God or seeing this certain person, it is good to realize that you are doing it and my advice to you is to just pray. Tell God that you are struggling with keeping Him first, and God will care for you.