I REALY REALY like my best guy friend

[graycee]

Ok so i am 16, and my best guy friend is 21 (we've been friends for a while now) the problem is i realy realy realy REALY (LOL) like him..... My mom and his are pretty ok friends, and his dad works for my mom, so we see each other fairly often. Also his younger (14) brother likes my best (14) girlfriend!So idk what to do, like we were mutual friends (our moms knew each other, we both were homeschooled. etc.) but i have just gotten to realy know him over the past year,he is also a very strong christian guy, most of the time he was like an older brother to me, and vice verca, he has also helped me thru alot of st uff over the past 6 or 7 mos (i.e. deppression, suicedel thoughts, etc.) but over the past o idk 4 or 5 mos iv'e realy gotten to 'like' like him!! we talk/ txt fairly often but now it's almost as if i can hardly talk to him because my likeing him (gahhh) (lol). so HELP PLEASE!!

~~~~~~~GRAYCEE~~~~~~~~
Tryin 2 hold on in ths crazy world, doin my best an givin God the rest!

[Zipster]

I'm sorry, but this is going to sound harsh.

The thing you need to do right now is to wait. You are young and your life is ahead of you; you're growing, you're maturing, and you're changing. You are in an entirely different stage of life than he is, not to mention that the age difference is (which traverses the legal definition of 'minor' and 'adult') substantial.

Again: Right now, the best thing you can do is wait. If God is willing - pray that he is - it will come to pass in His timing.

[justified]

I agree with Zipster completely. The only thing I will add is to ask God for discernment

[JesusPrincess]

I know how that feels!

My advice, don't rush it, but don't drop him all together either! He sounds real nice and maybe you might have a future together, who knows! Give it a few years, then if you still feel the same, go ahead and date him.

[graycee]

ok thanks you guys. It's nice to have someone who'll be honest and tell me what they think

[Damaris]

Hey graycee,

I wanted to add a bit of advice concerning this and future situations. God has designed women to become romantically interested mainly through sharing our heart with a guy. Talking for hours on end about anything and everything, making it a habit to depend on a guy to help you out of emotional difficulties, and just general letting a guy get to know you on a deep level are all things that are almost garenteed to make you begin to "like" him in that way. It's the way God designed you. Emotional intimacy results in romantic attraction.

Many Christians girls that I know have adopted the phrase "guard your heart" to indicate that we are actively working to protect ourselves from emotional intimacy with a guy. That isn't to say we don't talk to guys or have friendships with them, it just means that we take measures to ensure that the level of "knowing" each other never crosses the point where it is intimate enough to cause us to give our heart away. A good rule of thumb is that if you were already married to someone else, would this level of emotional closeness be appropriate?

A most comprehensive book on this subject is called "Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart" by Heather Arnel Paulsen (link ). While I recall disagreeing with some ways that scripture is used, the general idea is presented well for those unfamiliar with the concept.

The sum of what I am trying to tell you is this: the reason you "like" this guy is because you have given your heart to him, and grown to depend on him for emotional help. That super glue is great for binding you to your husband in the context of marriage, but outside of marriage, as you can see, it causes problems. The first step to resolving the situaiton is to at the very least stop applying super glue.

[graycee]

damarias, thanks for your advise also...I never really thought of it that way.

[AliveInHim]

Originally Posted by graycee

Ok so i am 16, and my best guy friend is 21 (we've been friends for a while now) the problem is i realy realy realy REALY (LOL) like him..... My mom and his are pretty ok friends, and his dad works for my mom, so we see each other fairly often. Also his younger (14) brother likes my best (14) girlfriend!So idk what to do, like we were mutual friends (our moms knew each other, we both were homeschooled. etc.) but i have just gotten to realy know him over the past year,he is also a very strong christian guy, most of the time he was like an older brother to me, and vice verca, he has also helped me thru alot of st uff over the past 6 or 7 mos (i.e. deppression, suicedel thoughts, etc.) but over the past o idk 4 or 5 mos iv'e realy gotten to 'like' like him!! we talk/ txt fairly often but now it's almost as if i can hardly talk to him because my likeing him (gahhh) (lol). so HELP PLEASE!!

~~~~~~~GRAYCEE~~~~~~~~
Tryin 2 hold on in ths crazy world, doin my best an givin God the rest!

Gracyee,

I know that it's hard when you end up falling for one of your friends; however, there are several problems that I want to point out here. However, note, you are doing nothing wrong. You cannot really help that you have some romantic feelings for him. However, you can continue acting upon those feelings. It is your actions that you are responsible for.

First off, the age difference concerns me. Now, before you stop listening and talk about maturity levels. That isn't what I am trying to discuss. 5 years isn't THAT big of a difference, but it is a big deal if the gap between two people falls over a life transition. For example, if someone is 10 years apart --- but on of them is just starting college at 18, and the other is 28 -- has a career -- settled in one place -- is thinking of marriage and children -- not dating around. The two people are in two different mindsets because their lives at two different points. At 16, your life isn't at the same point as someone that is 21. You may have things in common, and you may be GREAT friends. But, when it comes to romantic involvement, it takes more than just having a good friendship bond. It takes being at the same point in life. I am getting married next year. When I met Ravi (my fiance), we were BOTH ready to find a spouse -- not just "date around". We were ready to settle down with someone special. We knew that from day 1. If from day 1, he was just looking to date around, but I was looking for marriage -- it NEVER would have worked. It would mean we are at two different points in life. And, it would create serious problems in the future.

Secondly, it is very easy for young girls to think that a friend that is much like an older brother is someone that is potential dating material. It isn't always the case - many times it isn't the case at all. If he acts like your older brother, then more than likely he thinks of you that way -- not in a romantic way. If you open your heart up now to him, you are risking getting hurt. Don't go through that.

Don't be nervous talking around him. Enjoy the friendship you have with one another because friendships are special and important. It is even more important that he is a Christian and can be an older mentor for you on your Christian walk. That is a wonderful blessing. Realize that blessing and be thankful to God for it.

Amanda

[graycee]

WOW THANK YOUAmanda!