Prayer request: Not for me guys, but this is pretty major.

Becca · 01-26-2010, 12:22 PM

Hi guys,

I was in IKEA with my mum the other day and all the tables in the cafe were taken, but one just had a mother and baby on it. Well we all got talking as you do, and it turned out that:

The baby wasn't the womans, she was being fostered.
The baby had been with the woman since she was one day old.
She was ten months at the moment, and she would be well over a year old by the time she was going to be adopted [in April].

If you know anything about infant attachement then you'll know that is is really bad for general social development. Disruption of attachment [which this woman and the baby with have formed] can lead to 'adult-pleasing' behaviours and poorer peer relations.

Please guys, pray for the little girl and that she'll get a good life. I'm not sure why, but the meeting really upset me... PLEASE pray

And for Haiti :P

dreamergirl818 · 01-26-2010, 01:44 PM

I'm praying!

fashionlover01 · 01-27-2010, 06:28 PM

Hey. I have a couple questions. I was wondering what did you mean by it's bad for the general social development? I am not trying to cause problems, but i was just wondering why is it a bad thing for a child to be in foster care? I was put in foster care as soon as was born and i went to a foster home and then i stayed with my family today and they were my foster parents before they adopted me. I have totally grown up find and i have been very social. I am not sure what you are saying. I am just trying to understand better i am not rying to argue.

JesusPrincess · 01-27-2010, 09:58 PM

My neighbour does foster caring for infants, and she gets so attached to them. As they are only babies, I don't know what they might turn out like, seeing as I probably will never actually see them again, but I do understand how hard it is to give up a foster child - and I'm her neighbour and I love all the children she fosters! So I can imagine how hard it would be for her.

My 2 cousins were adopted from Africa when they were just babies, and I've noticed that they both have slight issues. The eldest who is 9, she is emotionally challenging. And the youngest, who is 6, is physically and mentally challenging - I have a feeling he has slight brain damage, but I love them both so much! But the eldest is trying to find herself as a person, and wondering about her mother and why she had to give her up, did she not love her, and all those other things. I'm pretty convinced it was a teen pregnancy, but I'm not too sure. But she does know her biological grandmother. And the youngest, I don't know anything about his parents or what happened to them. But it's especially hard on the eldest. I can't really put myself in her place and say I know how she feels, because I don't. I'm glad she's safe now and will most likely live a long happy life, but I wouldn't and couldn't possibly understand the emotional side of it.

But back to the original topic, I have noticed that she is very much a major people pleaser and wanting to be accepted. And since most of Australia is white European, she is having a lot of trouble being the only black person in her class. My heart nearly broke when she read me a song she'd written about being different and everyone teasing her. But it made me smile when she'd written, 'But God made me perfect.' I think as long as she stays close to Him, colour and race won't matter at all, because in God's eyes, she is perfect.

xspinningisfun · 01-28-2010, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fashionlover01

Hey. I have a couple questions. I was wondering what did you mean by it's bad for the general social development? I am not trying to cause problems, but i was just wondering why is it a bad thing for a child to be in foster care? I was put in foster care as soon as was born and i went to a foster home and then i stayed with my family today and they were my foster parents before they adopted me. I have totally grown up find and i have been very social. I am not sure what you are saying. I am just trying to understand better i am not rying to argue.

My thoughts exactly. Foster care can be really good for people. But sometimes, it's not. Sometimes the foster care can be abusive, neglectful, etc. etc.

Becca · 01-30-2010, 04:32 PM

When I can get a textbook and the time, I'll type out some for you - there are a LOT of factors though, including quality of care, number of carers, and type of attachment. I'll PM you fashion lover

Brandi · 01-30-2010, 06:35 PM

if the foster mother is taking active steps to create a bond with the child, the child should not suffer in any way. If the mother is the only foster family this child knows til adoption even better. But Foster system is not a death sentence for social development if proper care and love is abundant. What happens unfortunately is an older child is raised by birth parents in an unhealthy environment then is taken away and put in foster care but already has "issues" from his home life and thus is bounced around from family to family until one is capable of taking care of the child. This is the child that will suffer and the child that the system is not good for. However an infant who has known only the love of a family be it forster or otherwise should be just fine.

Becca · 02-01-2010, 08:28 AM

Brandi, this is true. However if the foster mother and the child have a bond, and thats the only life she's know it is possible/likely that when the child goes to a new home she will feel separation anxiety and stranger distress - these feelings can become a reaction to seeing the new family making an attachment and bond difficult to form, [according to the learning theory of attachment]. Tizard and Hodges did a study into this and found that when the child is adopted they are much more likely to have a strong attachment than if they are given back to their original family. However these children were 4 years old at the point of adoption and therefore knew what was happening much much more than a one year old would.

Brandi · 02-01-2010, 12:24 PM

If the transition is done properly, it should not be that negative. Separation anxiety and such is common even in children who have loving amazing birth families. If the adoptive family introduce them self slowly to the child, and move in gradually to the primary care provider role the issue can be minimized and the child can still have a healthy and safe and secure disposition.

Becca · 02-01-2010, 12:40 PM

I totally agree

I think [at least for this girl] though, the adoptive parents aren't chosen, or close to being chosen yet, and as she is being adopted in April [or moved to foster parents who deal with the higher age group] this gives a limited time span for transition

01-26-2010, 12:22 PM	#1
Becca Becca Wants a fire in her heart and a burning in her soul! Good Lord give it to me!!! Edit Disciple	Not for me guys, but this is pretty major. Hi guys, I was in IKEA with my mum the other day and all the tables in the cafe were taken, but one just had a mother and baby on it. Well we all got talking as you do, and it turned out that: The baby wasn't the womans, she was being fostered. The baby had been with the woman since she was one day old. She was ten months at the moment, and she would be well over a year old by the time she was going to be adopted [in April]. If you know anything about infant attachement then you'll know that is is really bad for general social development. Disruption of attachment [which this woman and the baby with have formed] can lead to 'adult-pleasing' behaviours and poorer peer relations. Please guys, pray for the little girl and that she'll get a good life. I'm not sure why, but the meeting really upset me... PLEASE pray And for Haiti :P
Status: Offline

01-26-2010, 01:44 PM	#2
dreamergirl818 dreamergirl818 has updated her status :D Edit Child of the KING	I'm praying! __________________ Matthew 22:21 ...then said He unto them, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar, and unto God, the things that are God's."
Status: Offline

01-27-2010, 06:28 PM	#3
fashionlover01 fashionlover01 Edit Disciple	Hey. I have a couple questions. I was wondering what did you mean by it's bad for the general social development? I am not trying to cause problems, but i was just wondering why is it a bad thing for a child to be in foster care? I was put in foster care as soon as was born and i went to a foster home and then i stayed with my family today and they were my foster parents before they adopted me. I have totally grown up find and i have been very social. I am not sure what you are saying. I am just trying to understand better i am not rying to argue. __________________ Go into the world and preach the good news to all creation. Jesus said "Go!"Lets Go! Mark 16:15 Lets make a difference in the world!
Status: Offline

01-27-2010, 09:58 PM	#4
JesusPrincess JesusPrincess "..the spirit of childhood is a life I never had and will always dream of." - MJ Edit Evangelist/Missionary	My neighbour does foster caring for infants, and she gets so attached to them. As they are only babies, I don't know what they might turn out like, seeing as I probably will never actually see them again, but I do understand how hard it is to give up a foster child - and I'm her neighbour and I love all the children she fosters! So I can imagine how hard it would be for her. My 2 cousins were adopted from Africa when they were just babies, and I've noticed that they both have slight issues. The eldest who is 9, she is emotionally challenging. And the youngest, who is 6, is physically and mentally challenging - I have a feeling he has slight brain damage, but I love them both so much! But the eldest is trying to find herself as a person, and wondering about her mother and why she had to give her up, did she not love her, and all those other things. I'm pretty convinced it was a teen pregnancy, but I'm not too sure. But she does know her biological grandmother. And the youngest, I don't know anything about his parents or what happened to them. But it's especially hard on the eldest. I can't really put myself in her place and say I know how she feels, because I don't. I'm glad she's safe now and will most likely live a long happy life, but I wouldn't and couldn't possibly understand the emotional side of it. But back to the original topic, I have noticed that she is very much a major people pleaser and wanting to be accepted. And since most of Australia is white European, she is having a lot of trouble being the only black person in her class. My heart nearly broke when she read me a song she'd written about being different and everyone teasing her. But it made me smile when she'd written, 'But God made me perfect.' I think as long as she stays close to Him, colour and race won't matter at all, because in God's eyes, she is perfect. __________________ *You* Are Not Alone I Am Here With You
Status: Offline

01-30-2010, 04:32 PM	#6
Becca Becca Wants a fire in her heart and a burning in her soul! Good Lord give it to me!!! Edit Disciple	When I can get a textbook and the time, I'll type out some for you - there are a LOT of factors though, including quality of care, number of carers, and type of attachment. I'll PM you fashion lover
Status: Offline

01-30-2010, 06:35 PM	#7
Brandi Brandi Edit Prophet/Prophetess	if the foster mother is taking active steps to create a bond with the child, the child should not suffer in any way. If the mother is the only foster family this child knows til adoption even better. But Foster system is not a death sentence for social development if proper care and love is abundant. What happens unfortunately is an older child is raised by birth parents in an unhealthy environment then is taken away and put in foster care but already has "issues" from his home life and thus is bounced around from family to family until one is capable of taking care of the child. This is the child that will suffer and the child that the system is not good for. However an infant who has known only the love of a family be it forster or otherwise should be just fine. __________________ I do not agree with a word you say but i will defend to the death your right to say it~Voltaire "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Lynn Lavner
Status: Offline

02-01-2010, 08:28 AM	#8
Becca Becca Wants a fire in her heart and a burning in her soul! Good Lord give it to me!!! Edit Disciple	Brandi, this is true. However if the foster mother and the child have a bond, and thats the only life she's know it is possible/likely that when the child goes to a new home she will feel separation anxiety and stranger distress - these feelings can become a reaction to seeing the new family making an attachment and bond difficult to form, [according to the learning theory of attachment]. Tizard and Hodges did a study into this and found that when the child is adopted they are much more likely to have a strong attachment than if they are given back to their original family. However these children were 4 years old at the point of adoption and therefore knew what was happening much much more than a one year old would.
Status: Offline

02-01-2010, 12:24 PM	#9
Brandi Brandi Edit Prophet/Prophetess	If the transition is done properly, it should not be that negative. Separation anxiety and such is common even in children who have loving amazing birth families. If the adoptive family introduce them self slowly to the child, and move in gradually to the primary care provider role the issue can be minimized and the child can still have a healthy and safe and secure disposition. __________________ I do not agree with a word you say but i will defend to the death your right to say it~Voltaire "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Lynn Lavner
Status: Offline

02-01-2010, 12:40 PM	#10
Becca Becca Wants a fire in her heart and a burning in her soul! Good Lord give it to me!!! Edit Disciple	I totally agree I think [at least for this girl] though, the adoptive parents aren't chosen, or close to being chosen yet, and as she is being adopted in April [or moved to foster parents who deal with the higher age group] this gives a limited time span for transition
Status: Offline