Am I mentally challenged?

[xspinningisfun]

Before I get into anything, please respect what I have to say. This is extremely hard to write about, and it's even more harder to talk in person. But I think I need to share my story.

I have a speech impediment and I've had it for my whole life. Do you know how much it hurts when people think you're retarded when you're not even close to being retarded? Last time I checked, I was pretty smart. The only thing wrong is my voice. My voice sounds strange. But do you know how many times I've hated God for giving me this? I've struggled with people calling me RETARD so many times. People have actually went up to my friends and asked if I was mentally challenged. I told God I hated Him. I hated Him for making me. Why would he do something like this? And all I can think is: His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are much higher than my thoughts. I may never know why he gave me this problem. But I can't say that I'm happy that I have this. It stands in the way of so many things. I haven't fully accepted it yet, but I've accepted it for most of the part. I don't let my problem affect my life. I go out, I meet friends. I have so many friends that I've met at college, at work. And if I was mentally challenged, I don't really think people would hang out with me. It may seem cruel, but people are like that. They don't like people that are different. But my personality overcomes this problem and I think that it draws people towards me.

Do you know how many TEARS I've cried, how many times I've punished myself?
But what really hurts, is when people mimic me. Even if it's just as a joke. It hurts so much. I don't like it pointing in my face, "YOU HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT." I know what I sound like, you don't have to repeat it back to me of how I sound. It's not funny, it's cruel. A lot of my friends have made jokes about it, and I know they don't mean to do any harm. But it does. It really does hurt me. I don't like this part of myself and when they just repeat back the same way I speak, it really does hurt.

People don't think I hear when they talk about me. But I do. I remember being in a room with my friends, and I heard some people saying, "You know that girl? The retarded one?" and they mimicked my of how I spoke and started laughing. I had to leave the room, I needed a good cry. But I've heard so many mean jokes since age 6.

And every time I meet someone new, the question is always the same. "Where are you from?" or "Why do you sound like that?" and I always feel like I need to make an excuse.

I don't know. I've been really emotional about it for this last week, for some odd reason. Probably because I had a dream about it.

But like I said, I don't blame God anymore. If it's not His will to heal me, then I need to fully accept it. And I'll understand why He gave it to me when I go up to heaven to meet Him.

[Steven Thompson]

This may not mean anything, it may not change anything for you, and it sure can't change overnight, but maybe you're looking at it backwards. You're different from everybody else in so many ways that one thing, whether big or little, is inconsequential. There was a speaker at my church recently who had a very obvious speech impediment. But no one said anything. It's because it doesn't matter. You are who you are, whether it's because you talk differently or because you believe in God, and I know there are those around you that see both as a negative thing. Whether it's a impediment, an accent, or a completely different language that comes out of your mouth, it's what the words are that matters. Not how they're said. I used to wet the bed until a couple of years ago, and was too ashamed to let my parents know, so I went to school like that. People noticed and said things, and it hurt. But does it matter what other people think about something that is you? No. The content of your character is what defines you, not the nicks and scrapes that life leaves on the outside. Or in this case, what carries the message that comes from the inside. Look at USPS! Their trucks are ugly, yet people love getting the letters from loved ones that are delivered by them. You have a message for the world to hear, and it needs to be heard. If people are going to nitpick the voice that carries that message, then they need all that much more love. God calls us to go out into all the nations and spread his word, drawing people to him. Shame is not of God, and I realize that I'm a hypocrite as I write that. I am afraid to evangelize, pray in public (outloud), and just talk about my faith unless I'm specifically asked. I'm not as brave as you. God loves you, we love you. And as far as mentally challenged, the only challenge you have is from God. You write beautifully on this board, and have made me think about what you write several times, helping me out of a tough spot now and then. People need to hear the beauty of your message, the beauty of what is on the inside. And if they think that how you sound is funny, you're still helping them. Laughter relieves stress, makes people feel better. So if you're presence makes people feel better, you already have more than I usually do. So cheer up, people need you. We need you.

[emilym]

I definitely agree with what steven has to say. You do have a wonderful message to share and maybe by having a speech impediment people will take notice. You are different, so when you talk people may actually listen.

If it really bugs you, it might be something you can fix. I was in speech therapy for two years when I was younger and my speech turned around and is completely fine now. I'm not sure if something like that can be fixed at age 19, but it's something to look into if you want.

But really I think whatever voice God gave you is probably just fine I know it's easier said than done, but just ignore what others have to say about how you talk. When people poke fun at others it's just to hide their own insecurities.

I will be praying for you.

[xspinningisfun]

Originally Posted by emilym

I definitely agree with what steven has to say. You do have a wonderful message to share and maybe by having a speech impediment people will take notice. You are different, so when you talk people may actually listen.

If it really bugs you, it might be something you can fix. I was in speech therapy for two years when I was younger and my speech turned around and is completely fine now. I'm not sure if something like that can be fixed at age 19, but it's something to look into if you want.

But really I think whatever voice God gave you is probably just fine I know it's easier said than done, but just ignore what others have to say about how you talk. When people poke fun at others it's just to hide their own insecurities.

I will be praying for you.

I've been in speech since age 5...it's gotten better over the years. Some people think I have an accent. But I think it's just a cover up haha.

[Steven Thompson]

On a different note, I used to have a slight impediment, and people said I sounded like I was from Boston (I couldn't say "r" if my life depended on it). Sadly, it went away in time. Now I sound normal... I don't like normal. Too boring. You don't know what you have until you lose it... Oh well.

[xspinningisfun]

Originally Posted by Steven Thompson

On a different note, I used to have a slight impediment, and people said I sounded like I was from Boston (I couldn't say "r" if my life depended on it). Sadly, it went away in time. Now I sound normal... I don't like normal. Too boring. You don't know what you have until you lose it... Oh well.

HA, yeah...i can't pronounce my "r's" hahah.

[Godsgal]

I know intelligent people who have a lisp. I know people who stutter...I stumble over my words sometimes since my brain goes faster than I can speak, write, or type. Sometimes a phrase comes out all backwards: go share. Sho gare. That's a weird example...but people at school view me as stupid because I can't talk properly. I've spent so many tears over this and I've basically felt the same way you have.

I was born with a cleft lip...and people always ask me or my parents how I got that. Well, I was born with it. How do you think I got it? I would get upset. But people genuinely want to know. It looks normal from the front because the doctor who stitched it up when I was two or three days old did a pretty decent job. If you look at me closely or from an angle, however, you could see it.

I've cried and wished my lip was normal-looking. I could have posted your post myself. God's been gracious to me. Though to this day people do reject me and treat me as if I have a mental illness, I'm grateful for the people he placed in my life who talk to me despite it all. You know your true friends when they stick by you even if you're not perfect.

I just thought I'd share this with you so that you know that you aren't alone.

[babygurl_8711]

I definitly know where you are coming from. People seem to feel that if you are different it must mean you are less inteligent than they are. Nearly 4 years ago now I lost my eye sight. I was so upset with God at the time and felt that he had abandoned me, but over the years I've come to learn that wasn't the case at all. I've heard many of times or had people come up to me and say that I didn't have enough faith because if I did then I would have been heeled by now. But I know that it's truely not God's will for me to be heeled, he says his grace is sufficient. Even though it's hard to get over the stereo types that people place on people who are different. It's unbelieveable sometimes. But it's nice to be able to take comfort that God is there no matter what, even if sometimes you really don't feel that way.