God loves me? really??

A2J · 11-08-2005, 04:30 PM

I want to begin by saying only God was able to free me from my past my struggles and my temptations. He loved me unconditionally and always will.

I used to belong on here, I found it encouraging but slowly slipped back into my old way of sinfulness.

Here is an old version of my testimoney

wrote this ages ago....

Testimony: Well, umm I had always been brought up in a Christian background. My two older brothers were Christians. Ever since I was little I always attended church and all other organization to do with church. I asked God into my heart at a young age but struggled with the commitment of being a Christian.

Just over a year and a bit ago I was quite depressed and drifted so far away from God,(i also self-harmed) Im now disgusted at how bad i have treated him in my past. I was being bullied just for being myself and instead of coming to God as should of I dropped out of many organizations I had been involved in. I often felt like God wasn't there in that point of my life, but he must have if I was able to get through it.

Only since September 03 I sort of realised and come close to God but I was still sort of holding him at arms length. I rejoined all the clubs and things I had been in and learned so much. In November 2003 I went with my youth group called impact to a weekend teen Christian event c alled autumn soul. I knew what I had been missing and came close to God, it was good knowing he was there. But I still hadn't fully achieved a good relationship causes in my head my past still lurked, I wasn't fully able to commit I suppose at that point. I went through school this year few knowing I was a Christian, I was meek even when I know I should of been singing his praises to my friends in school, trying to get them to realize Gods love for them.

Really only these past few days starting on the 26th August 2004, today in fact I really hugged him tightly close to me. We had a youth group from Dublin staying up with us and I saw how committed they were and how obvious it was that God was in their life. I confided in a new friend Jan about my past and my relationship with God and all of a sudden an inner calm filled me. I really want to thank God for providing such an opportunity and a faithful servant to talk to me. I now feel powerful and as I return to school I want to speak of his love for us all.

I know this testimony is very short and I wouldn't be able to do it in front of a church yet but I wanted to share my experience with you. I know I'll still have times of trouble but God will always be with me and I know that now and want everyone else to know that no matter what happens God will always be there for you. Look at the way I treated him in the past but now he has forgiven. I believe overcoming my past will make me stronger, stronger in my faith in God. Love becca. God bless you!! P.U.S.H. I know God would want me to say this now. I'm ready to be his servant.

From the point I wrote this I have still struggled and drifted but tried... and am trying even harder
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

What happened since then? I guess for a while I was strong, I felt the power and fire of God in my life. He was amazing and so dedicated to listening to me. That was fine till a few months down the line (around jan 2005 or so)when I felt my world was caving in . Friends were deserting me. I became unhappy again and struggled.

I did ok, I guess some great friends spurred me on in life. They gave encouragement. Hope for life. My trust in God remained.

But then came a point of me just taking God for granted, even making him a fourth or fifth priority in life when I really know he should always come first. I even went on to making compromises, saying yeh I'll read a lot of the bible if you give me this God, or I'll be nice to people who I don't like if you make sure I get good grades. It actually got to that point, where I was just basically using him. I didn't think sensibly and realise that a relationship with God, didn't work that way. Needless to say, he didn't do everything I said. I was stupid and didnt know what to do. I got upset thinking God would do the things I said because he loved me. I got disappointed and turned my back on him. Life seemed easier, I didnt have to worry about what sins I was commited. There always seemed like a void in my heart I was unable to fill but I ignored it.

I did everything sinful you could, imagine. I just thought I'm young who cares. God doesn't even love me anyway. No one does. I had a interesting time of it and never told any of my friends my doubts.

I got so far away from God, I never dreamed I would get back. Summer 2005 I lost my purity, I gave away my virginity. It wasnt even to a guy I knew properly. I just didnt care anymore. I was looking for love and even someone to love me. The truth was even I didn't love me.

I regretted sins and I don't know, tried to come back to God. but Satan knew I was weak and kept providing temptations. I am ashamed to say but all accounts I failed. I became miserable.

I guess I knew I need God more than anythingelse in life. Something clicked inside of me, God loves me more than anyone elese on earth could ever possibly love me. He knows I sin but he forgives me. How amazing is that?

I asked him into my life again. I'm still struggling but I'm surrendering all my past to God and he will direct my paths. I had emotion time at youth fellowship.. it was open prayer. We used the acroynm(sp) of watch. Worship, adoration, thanks, confession and help. I admitted my sins to a extent aloud. It seemed to cleanse my soul, I never admitted the stuff I was doing was wrong but it helped saying it aloud. I made so many confessions and asked for help and to make me strong. I actually cried, God was there with his arms around me I knew he loved me forever and always will. I discovered he filled the void which nothing on earth could fill. I never really have loved myself but God does.!!

I know Im sinful and will still struggle. But I want to say out loud. God IS SO AMAZING AND CHANGES LIFES.!! i LOVE HIM!!! IM NOT ASHAMED!!! XX

joy-girl · 11-08-2005, 05:19 PM

He is amazing! He's awesome!

Ya know what girl? One day, all your struggles will be worth it... its the day you will see the face of Jesus, and you will feel the scars in His hand.

Love you sis! Keep your eyes fixed on Him...

Joy

PureOxygen · 11-09-2005, 06:12 PM

I agree with Joy

Keep runnin the race of faith, babes!!

If ya can find it, listen to the song "Runner" by Twila Paris.
I'll try to post the lyrics on here at some point

11-08-2005, 04:30 PM	#1
A2J A2J Edit Disciple	God loves me? really?? I want to begin by saying only God was able to free me from my past my struggles and my temptations. He loved me unconditionally and always will. I used to belong on here, I found it encouraging but slowly slipped back into my old way of sinfulness. Here is an old version of my testimoney wrote this ages ago.... Testimony: Well, umm I had always been brought up in a Christian background. My two older brothers were Christians. Ever since I was little I always attended church and all other organization to do with church. I asked God into my heart at a young age but struggled with the commitment of being a Christian. Just over a year and a bit ago I was quite depressed and drifted so far away from God,(i also self-harmed) Im now disgusted at how bad i have treated him in my past. I was being bullied just for being myself and instead of coming to God as should of I dropped out of many organizations I had been involved in. I often felt like God wasn't there in that point of my life, but he must have if I was able to get through it. Only since September 03 I sort of realised and come close to God but I was still sort of holding him at arms length. I rejoined all the clubs and things I had been in and learned so much. In November 2003 I went with my youth group called impact to a weekend teen Christian event c alled autumn soul. I knew what I had been missing and came close to God, it was good knowing he was there. But I still hadn't fully achieved a good relationship causes in my head my past still lurked, I wasn't fully able to commit I suppose at that point. I went through school this year few knowing I was a Christian, I was meek even when I know I should of been singing his praises to my friends in school, trying to get them to realize Gods love for them. Really only these past few days starting on the 26th August 2004, today in fact I really hugged him tightly close to me. We had a youth group from Dublin staying up with us and I saw how committed they were and how obvious it was that God was in their life. I confided in a new friend Jan about my past and my relationship with God and all of a sudden an inner calm filled me. I really want to thank God for providing such an opportunity and a faithful servant to talk to me. I now feel powerful and as I return to school I want to speak of his love for us all. I know this testimony is very short and I wouldn't be able to do it in front of a church yet but I wanted to share my experience with you. I know I'll still have times of trouble but God will always be with me and I know that now and want everyone else to know that no matter what happens God will always be there for you. Look at the way I treated him in the past but now he has forgiven. I believe overcoming my past will make me stronger, stronger in my faith in God. Love becca. God bless you!! P.U.S.H. I know God would want me to say this now. I'm ready to be his servant. From the point I wrote this I have still struggled and drifted but tried... and am trying even harder -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What happened since then? I guess for a while I was strong, I felt the power and fire of God in my life. He was amazing and so dedicated to listening to me. That was fine till a few months down the line (around jan 2005 or so)when I felt my world was caving in . Friends were deserting me. I became unhappy again and struggled. I did ok, I guess some great friends spurred me on in life. They gave encouragement. Hope for life. My trust in God remained. But then came a point of me just taking God for granted, even making him a fourth or fifth priority in life when I really know he should always come first. I even went on to making compromises, saying yeh I'll read a lot of the bible if you give me this God, or I'll be nice to people who I don't like if you make sure I get good grades. It actually got to that point, where I was just basically using him. I didn't think sensibly and realise that a relationship with God, didn't work that way. Needless to say, he didn't do everything I said. I was stupid and didnt know what to do. I got upset thinking God would do the things I said because he loved me. I got disappointed and turned my back on him. Life seemed easier, I didnt have to worry about what sins I was commited. There always seemed like a void in my heart I was unable to fill but I ignored it. I did everything sinful you could, imagine. I just thought I'm young who cares. God doesn't even love me anyway. No one does. I had a interesting time of it and never told any of my friends my doubts. I got so far away from God, I never dreamed I would get back. Summer 2005 I lost my purity, I gave away my virginity. It wasnt even to a guy I knew properly. I just didnt care anymore. I was looking for love and even someone to love me. The truth was even I didn't love me. I regretted sins and I don't know, tried to come back to God. but Satan knew I was weak and kept providing temptations. I am ashamed to say but all accounts I failed. I became miserable. I guess I knew I need God more than anythingelse in life. Something clicked inside of me, God loves me more than anyone elese on earth could ever possibly love me. He knows I sin but he forgives me. How amazing is that? I asked him into my life again. I'm still struggling but I'm surrendering all my past to God and he will direct my paths. I had emotion time at youth fellowship.. it was open prayer. We used the acroynm(sp) of watch. Worship, adoration, thanks, confession and help. I admitted my sins to a extent aloud. It seemed to cleanse my soul, I never admitted the stuff I was doing was wrong but it helped saying it aloud. I made so many confessions and asked for help and to make me strong. I actually cried, God was there with his arms around me I knew he loved me forever and always will. I discovered he filled the void which nothing on earth could fill. I never really have loved myself but God does.!! I know Im sinful and will still struggle. But I want to say out loud. God IS SO AMAZING AND CHANGES LIFES.!! i LOVE HIM!!! IM NOT ASHAMED!!! XX
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11-08-2005, 05:19 PM	#2
joy-girl joy-girl Edit Prophet/Prophetess	He is amazing! He's awesome! Ya know what girl? One day, all your struggles will be worth it... its the day you will see the face of Jesus, and you will feel the scars in His hand. Love you sis! Keep your eyes fixed on Him... Joy __________________ Sona si latine loqueris!! http://www.therebelution.com/ “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” -CS Lewis
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11-09-2005, 06:12 PM	#3
PureOxygen PureOxygen Edit Super Moderator	I agree with Joy Keep runnin the race of faith, babes!! If ya can find it, listen to the song "Runner" by Twila Paris. I'll try to post the lyrics on here at some point __________________ "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." -1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)
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