A Testimony of Grace

[jkplayschess]

God graciously gave me life and brought me into this world Christmas day, 1984. He again blessed me with parents that wanted to raise me in a Christian way. Mom gave her all for us kids. She gave up her career, and ministry in music to give her time and love to us in an awesome way.
I was saved at an early age, and all seemed well from an outside view. I came to church every time the doors were open, knew all the right answers in Sunday school, and won lots of awards in AWANA memorizing scripture.
But my Christianity was skin deep-- I compartmentalized and intellectualized my Christian life. I became much like the Pharisees and did things to please my family, friends at church, and to collect rewards.
As I moved into my preteens my inner man only grew more corrupt and my sins more secretive. I got into an addiction of online gaming which included chess and Age of Kings among other things. I even played during school when I thought I could get away with it. I wasn't looking to Christ for my daily satisfaction. I wasn't making Him my all-in-all.
Sometimes I even scared myself at my own depravity and lack of control over my life. For seven years I was in bondage and I saw more and more of the consequences of sin, but the chains were stronger. I had moments of "repentance" and a heart that longed for freedom from the chains, but I failed to follow through. I liked my sin too much, and I was too scared to tell anyone about my struggles. I kept promising myself that I would fight harder next time. I tried over and over again. I tried anything but Christ and repentance. When the temptation would come around again, I would buckle, feel terrible, and then fall back into my false repentance. Satan won the battle for my mind by feeding me lies and binding me in silence and pride. It was Jason vs. Satan, and I was losing badly.
Praise God, He intervened in grace! Perhaps the breaking of dawn occurred during my visit to Wycliffe's Wordsprings in Orlando in late 2003. A deeper spiritual hunger was born, and I sought truth, but I was still bound to sin. I knew the truth basically all of my life, but I wasn't willing to make drastic changes yet.
Soon after my visit in Orlando I joined Wycliffe’s WYnet-- a forum for teens interested in missions. I quickly got bored and forgot all about it. It was a PM that brought me back. WYnet has been such a strong growth factor in my spiritual life. I needed something to take that intellectual knowledge of Christ and totally transform me. I needed something to help me stay in the Word daily on my own initiative. God used WYnet, SettingCaptivesFree, and Xanga’s Absolute Surrender blogring among other online activities to help me overcome my addiction to playing computer games. I found activities that would help me daily in my walk, and suddenly I had something that I desired even more than games.
Instead of reading a passage of Scripture to learn facts, I found myself desiring to apply it in my life and the Holy Spirit brought that conviction in a powerful way. I needed Him to bring me satisfaction. I came to a repentance that stuck and was followed by actions and a love for Christ that I carried with me throughout the entire day. Real joy came immediately after following through in true repentance. As soon as I confessed to God and my parents a wave of new life swept over me. I couldn’t even sleep because I was so swept up in the wonder of it all. Life has been tough, but that joy has been so strong.
This year prayer has really become real to me and I've absolutely learned to adore prayer. Mom and Rachel were both really sick and in the emergency room a couple times this year, and I was burdened to tears. I fell down in my bed and cried. One time a couple people on WYnet stayed up with me and prayed until the wee hours of early morning and I was touched. In April, I started keeping a prayer journal, and then in May I started writing them out to God. I couldn't even find enough prayer requests to bring before Him. I have never been very emotional before, but I found myself constantly crying over my sin and the struggles in lives around me.
To this day, I've experienced victories in ways that were impossible before. God has answered my prayers in amazing ways and I'm learning to trust Him more. I do fail, even daily, but I always fall back to Him. The addictions are gone, praise God!
Without Him, I have nowhere else to go. He alone brings satisfaction, life, joy and peace. All glory be to God, for He is good! Keep your eyes on Him! He alone makes a difference.

[Total+Jesus+Freak024]

bravo! bravo! thats awesome! i never heard of being addicted to games! now i can totally see a different side of it. thanks for changing my perspective! Grow in God!

[living4christ]

thats so cool and i havent ever heard of being addicted to online games either. Keep growing in God

[jkplayschess]

Now I'm seeing even clearly than before that I need Him evey single day. There is such an outrageous difference in my day when I don't put Him first -- everything goes wrong. When I put him first there are so many awesome things that happen. Prayers get answered and He blesses in ways even beyond what I ask.

Right now I'm sitting here thinking about His goodness which He blesses us with so freely. Why is it that I lose perspective so easily? Why am I so content to sit back and "coast"? Every day I'm asking that He would change my heart and desires to be more and more like His. I'm praying for revival for this generation. We have drifted so far from Him, but His grace is ever present toward us. Pray for change. Pray for HIm to burden our hearts for the lost. The duty is ours.

[NeverAlone2820]

wow, awesome tesimony!
Very encouraging.

Stay strong!