cutting free from your future in laws

[ibreakdrumsticks]

i am hurting. i am so sad. and everyone expects me to do everything and please them but i am not going to do that. i am just so sick and tired of doing things and depending on other people. if life squeezes the life out of me a little bit tighter i think i might blow up. i just want people to care about me and be interested in how i feel and how i am dealing with everything in my life. i am just so overwhlemed. this sucks. i want to marry cori and i want to have the kid but geez... give me some room to work. get off my butt. i need space. i am sick of people being all in my business. i just wish that cori and i would be married and living together. she needs to sever that emotional umbilical chord from her family. like she can love them and honor them but she needs to be loyal to us and our relationship. i am sick of her mom being all into my business. they can care. but they need to let me be the man. i think cori needs to quit worrying and let me be there. if she don't sever from her family, then i can't marry her. she needs to follow me.

[Ed]

i understand how you feel but family support is really useful in the future especially... I mean the strongest marriage relationships often seem to have real strong contact with there parents still. As with any problem, you need to work with it and comprimise (but not God of course.) Marriage is all about give and take FOR BOTH OF YOU! you need to be doing whats best for her and she needs to be doing whats best for you... yer it's frustrating when things arent going as planned/as liked/your opinions are being over looked. However if you are serious about this relationship to the point of marriage your gonna need to learn to solve problems together and not always at one persons expense (be it yours or hers).

Friend, man to man, listen: You don't want to alienate your in-laws. They are the people who are responsible for making your wife-to-be who she is today. Your words to the effect of "she can love them and honor them but she needs to be loyal to us and our relationship", well, to be perfectly frank, that sounds like you being selfish. I can't judge you, I don't know you, but I'm just telling you what it sounds like to me. Why don't you try talking to her parents and telling them - with her - how you feel? A little talking can go quite a long way. You can trust me in this, that if you force Cori to cut off her parents and your future in-laws, your marriage will not be happy. I can't judge you, I won't even try, but from reading your post, it sounds to me like you are just being possessive of your wife-to-be and selfish of your time and space. I know it's blunt, but that's what i see.

[jcdesertvoice]

Rene, You are a wonderful man with alot of discernment. Use it bro. I'm not going to judge you either but you do come off a little possessive. I know it can be rough. It is hard for a young woman to let go of her family. We are very attached to our families and sorry dude but normally the family comes first. She does need to sever that umbilical cord but it's not an easy thing to do. Be patient with her. Do not push her. You have amazing fire but do not let that fire come into your relationship with Cori in that way. I agree with what you have said just not how you did it. You are the man(don't let that go to your head)and you should be the head of the family but be humble. Humbleness with take you a long way. A leader needs to be humble to be successful. She is to be your precious wife, a treasure to hold dear and gentle. She is to walk beside you not behind you or infront of you, beside you. Don't forget that. She is not beneath you. You two need to make decisions together, walk through this together. Talk to her let her know how you feel but I can't stress enough to be gentle. She will follow you if you are humble and gentle. You must realize that this is going to change her life forever. Things will not be as she has always had them. That can be very scary for a girl. We are not programmed like guys and that's ok but you need to learn what she will respond to and what she will not and learn from that. Communication skills can be a lifesaver. I've learned that recently. In time she'll come around. Do you feel God put you two together? If your answer is yes then let God move and change her and you. Be gentle, be humble and be patient.

[MyJoyOverflows]

*sigh* Rene, you know that I care very much about both you and Cori...I sent you a long message...so I'm not going to go all back into it on here. I can understand the way that you're feeling. Give it all over to God...He wants it and I know that you no longer want to feel burdened by it! *hugs* I love ya man!

[ibreakdrumsticks]

there is a difference between loyalty and honoring. i don't like the fact that they are trying to change her back to mormonism. they even had the audacity to suggest us have the wedding at an lds church. i said no but they butt in on all the wrong places and butt out when we need them. i am just saying it is ok to have a relationship with them but once you are married your alegance is to your new family. so you move out. you don't go out of your way for them. you live your new life. that is why people get married. to start a new life right? i like my in laws, i just hate the way the still think cori is mormon and are trying to live her life for her in the decisions she makes. your wife shouldn't go crying to daddy. she needs to go to her husband. that emotional umbilical chord should be severed. she needs to learn to depend on me. show me in the bible where it says that is wrong? have a relationship with them. but don't build your life around them. that is what i am trying to express.

[NeverAlone2820]

Rene-

I'm sorry your having problems with them... and since i'm (obviously) not married i don't really have much advice... What i can say tho is that neither of my parents are really close to their parents... i hardly know my grandparents. One side is athiest. *sp?* Anyway- my parents have been married over 20 years.
Someone earlier said that if you don't have a good relationship with your parents that your marriage won't go well.. Well obvious that isn't true (look at my parents)

Anyway- praying for you

[Ed]

living- i didnt mean to sound like i was saying it wouldnt be good just that a good relationship with in laws and rents can make it easier nad be helpful. Not that you are in a bad place if you dont...

Ok Rene, now i understand more of the situation. No her parents shouldnt be trying to push her into things you both dont want... But i agree wit jcdesertvoice adn think you need to really sit down and discuss this wit your wife to be and see exactly what she wants without telling her what you want and away from her parents telling her what they want as she probably feels torn between the three of you poss a bit cnofused and poss is pushing her own wedding plan desires right out the window to try and make everyone happy. I dont kno as i dont know her or the full situation. You are def. a man of God who's on fire... but remember God is a God of peace, gentleness, loving acceptance, self control and kindness...Not all fire and charging in powerfully, even the husband whos the powerful head of hte house should show (i know you have them) these characteristics in this role your growing into. I'm praying you get this sorted.

[ibreakdrumsticks]

the power of God is love. i love them. i just need them to let cori and i grow by ourselves. she is 20 now. not 15. not 13. not 6. so it is biblical that she needs to depend on me and not on her parents. right? love is what it is all about. love is power. power is healing and deliverance, and signs, miracles, and the supernatural. they are all the power of God. and the power of God needs to zap them so that they can open there eyes and understand us and so that they can get saved and set free and healed from mormonism. i am praying for a power encounter for them. pray with me. and that the power of God would sever what needs to be severed.

[christsgirly]

Of course I will pray,but understand that,although her parents are in the wrong,they need her respect and yours.Don't try to draw her away from that.I pray that you'll stay strong in this time.I pray that the Spirit stirs their hearts and that they have the courage and streangth to accept Him.I pray that your child will early on in life know the Way.God bless you,your fiance,your future inlaws,and your sweet,unborn baby.
My prayers are with you all.May God powerfully work!
Brooke