Some of My Advice for Relationships

07-07-2005, 03:12 PM

Hi. Being one of the resident old farts of this board, I thought I'd share some of the lessons I've learned for anyone currently in, or considering, a real relationship.

1) Don't date just to date. That's dumb, and disrespectful to the person you're dating. If you're going to date someone, take it seriously.

2) Wait to date until you're old enough to marry the person you're dating. The reason for this will become apparent below.

3) Make a list of what you absolutely must have and absolutely cannot have in a spouse. None of this, "Well, she's gotta be hott," or stupid things like that. Be serious; be specific; and make it ten in each category (must-haves and must-not-haves). For example, part of my list reads, "Must be a Christian with similar moral values. Must be basically emotionally healthy."

4) USE the above list when dating someone to figure out if your date could be a potential spouse. If they can't, there is no reason to continue a dating relationship. I know, this sounds nitpicky, but you've got to understand, most marriages fail because people don't understand the basic concept of compatibility: You just can't base a marriage on, "Well, he/she is really attractive, and really sweet, and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy."

5) Make sure you know where your physical boundaries lie, and do not cross them! I don't care if it's something as innocent as holding hands; if one person in a couple is uncomfortable with it, DON'T DO IT. Wait for them.

6) Don't rush straight into a relationship of any kind. If you think you've found someone that is worth dating, take a couple of weeks to pray about it separately. Follow what the Lord tells you at all times. A lack of patience signals a lack of readiness for a serious relationship.

7) Beware of the temptation to rely on your significant other for emotional well-being. It's a great thing when you can be happy and excited about dating someone, but when that person starts to take the place of God in your life, there is a serious problem that must be addressed.

8 ) Breaking up is not the end of the world. Don't beat around the bush, pretending like nothing's wrong, when you know full well you're gonna have to break up with the person you're dating. Be gentle, but be honest, and get it overwith, the sooner the better. It will be less painful in the end to just do it.

That's all I have for now. If you have any more to add, or any questions, or if you just wanna yell at me for spoiling your fun, go right ahead.

Ed · 07-07-2005, 06:23 PM

you know i totaly agree with you - crys the voice of experience an a messed up relationship......

why did no one ever tell me this when i was younger eh?

07-07-2005, 07:17 PM

Why do you think I posted this, and my story about how my girlfriend and I got together? I want people to learn from my wisdom and experience. I am sick of people repeating the same dumb mistakes over and over and over again. I know, few people will probably actually listen to me... *sigh* But that doesn't stop me from trying.

jcdesertvoice · 07-07-2005, 09:35 PM

I totally agree with you Demolition Man. Totally agree. I wish young gals and guys would learn this early in life. It would save alot of broken hearts. I learned it the hard way like a lot of us old people.

Dating is no game so why treat it as such. It only leads to unhealthy emotional attachments that are hard to break later on. Heed the dudes words. He is right.

07-08-2005, 08:42 PM

And only females reply

How sad...

Also another tip from my side of the deal...

Girls you may at times get freaked out and think "oh my goodness what if this isn't right, maybe I should end this".
Stop, sometimes satan tries to attack a relationship because it's a good thing.

If your having fears though, tell the guy, tell him, then ask him to pray with you tel help take away all these fears.
Remember fear is from the devil.

HeavenBound · 07-09-2005, 04:58 PM

I agree with y'all!
DemolitionMan,
Thanx for posting, I'm gonna remember what you said, for when I start to date in the future!

Damaris · 07-09-2005, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess

Also another tip from my side of the deal...

Girls you may at times get freaked out and think "oh my goodness what if this isn't right, maybe I should end this".
Stop, sometimes satan tries to attack a relationship because it's a good thing.

Oh wow....thanks for that....I needed that today....I didn't realize I needed that until I read that...

sKybLue · 07-12-2005, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess

Girls you may at times get freaked out and think "oh my goodness what if this isn't right, maybe I should end this".
Stop, sometimes satan tries to attack a relationship because it's a good thing.

If your having fears though, tell the guy, tell him, then ask him to pray with you tel help take away all these fears.
Remember fear is from the devil.

hmm.. i kinda have been struggling with that for a very long time now.. and that's why one of my favourite verses is "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 thanks for that, Princess!

but on the other hand, if in an already "bad" relationship, if someone keep saying that, then it's like "living in denial".. not accepting that the relationship is not meant to be.. then maybe God is trying to get you to break it off..??? there's a very thin line between the two, i guess..

07-12-2005, 10:34 AM

There's a difference: When you're fearing for your life, as in an abusive relationship, or something like that, that's indicative of a bad relationship, and you need to get out. When you're fearing over silly things - "Oh, I'm not so sure he loves me anymore," "Oh, he doesn't deserve me, he's stooping to my level," etc. - then it's a fear induced in you with the purpose of destroying your relationship. Don't let it.

07-12-2005, 11:07 AM

Oh yessss
That is true...
If you are fearing for your safety, life, purity, morals...
Then get out of the relationship.

If it is fear over "I like my singleness", "this is too much work", "I don't know if I want to date right now".
Be careful...
Breaking up, even if it's just for a short time, causes tons of stress on the relationship, some people say it makes it stronger, that is a false statement, it makes things weaker.

Speaking these fears out to the other person helps though,
As long as you assure them before you talk to them that you don't want to break up.
Misunderstanding's are one of the highest causes for separations.

07-07-2005, 03:12 PM	#1
Demolition Man Demolition Man Edit Guest	Some of My Advice for Relationships Hi. Being one of the resident old farts of this board, I thought I'd share some of the lessons I've learned for anyone currently in, or considering, a real relationship. 1) Don't date just to date. That's dumb, and disrespectful to the person you're dating. If you're going to date someone, take it seriously. 2) Wait to date until you're old enough to marry the person you're dating. The reason for this will become apparent below. 3) Make a list of what you absolutely must have and absolutely cannot have in a spouse. None of this, "Well, she's gotta be hott," or stupid things like that. Be serious; be specific; and make it ten in each category (must-haves and must-not-haves). For example, part of my list reads, "Must be a Christian with similar moral values. Must be basically emotionally healthy." 4) USE the above list when dating someone to figure out if your date could be a potential spouse. If they can't, there is no reason to continue a dating relationship. I know, this sounds nitpicky, but you've got to understand, most marriages fail because people don't understand the basic concept of compatibility: You just can't base a marriage on, "Well, he/she is really attractive, and really sweet, and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy." 5) Make sure you know where your physical boundaries lie, and do not cross them! I don't care if it's something as innocent as holding hands; if one person in a couple is uncomfortable with it, DON'T DO IT. Wait for them. 6) Don't rush straight into a relationship of any kind. If you think you've found someone that is worth dating, take a couple of weeks to pray about it separately. Follow what the Lord tells you at all times. A lack of patience signals a lack of readiness for a serious relationship. 7) Beware of the temptation to rely on your significant other for emotional well-being. It's a great thing when you can be happy and excited about dating someone, but when that person starts to take the place of God in your life, there is a serious problem that must be addressed. 8 ) Breaking up is not the end of the world. Don't beat around the bush, pretending like nothing's wrong, when you know full well you're gonna have to break up with the person you're dating. Be gentle, but be honest, and get it overwith, the sooner the better. It will be less painful in the end to just do it. That's all I have for now. If you have any more to add, or any questions, or if you just wanna yell at me for spoiling your fun, go right ahead.

07-07-2005, 06:23 PM	#2
Ed Ed Edit Prophet/Prophetess	you know i totaly agree with you - crys the voice of experience an a messed up relationship...... why did no one ever tell me this when i was younger eh?
Status: Offline

07-07-2005, 09:35 PM	#4
jcdesertvoice jcdesertvoice Edit Prophet/Prophetess	I totally agree with you Demolition Man. Totally agree. I wish young gals and guys would learn this early in life. It would save alot of broken hearts. I learned it the hard way like a lot of us old people. Dating is no game so why treat it as such. It only leads to unhealthy emotional attachments that are hard to break later on. Heed the dudes words. He is right. __________________ Go ye into all the world and preach the gospel to every nation for you are a word out of the mouth of God and you will not return unto Him void.
Status: Offline

07-09-2005, 04:58 PM	#6
HeavenBound HeavenBound Edit Prophet/Prophetess	I agree with y'all! DemolitionMan, Thanx for posting, I'm gonna remember what you said, for when I start to date in the future! __________________ "We have just enough Religion to make us HATE, but not enough to make us LOVE one Another..." -Jonathan Swift Who could hate a Man, who thought about YOU on the Cross?
Status: Offline

07-07-2005, 07:17 PM	#3
Demolition Man Demolition Man Edit Guest	Why do you think I posted this, and my story about how my girlfriend and I got together? I want people to learn from my wisdom and experience. I am sick of people repeating the same dumb mistakes over and over and over again. I know, few people will probably actually listen to me... sigh But that doesn't stop me from trying.

07-08-2005, 08:42 PM	#5
Princess Princess Edit Guest	And only females reply How sad... Also another tip from my side of the deal... Girls you may at times get freaked out and think "oh my goodness what if this isn't right, maybe I should end this". Stop, sometimes satan tries to attack a relationship because it's a good thing. If your having fears though, tell the guy, tell him, then ask him to pray with you tel help take away all these fears. Remember fear is from the devil.

07-12-2005, 10:34 AM	#9
Demolition Man Demolition Man Edit Guest	There's a difference: When you're fearing for your life, as in an abusive relationship, or something like that, that's indicative of a bad relationship, and you need to get out. When you're fearing over silly things - "Oh, I'm not so sure he loves me anymore," "Oh, he doesn't deserve me, he's stooping to my level," etc. - then it's a fear induced in you with the purpose of destroying your relationship. Don't let it.

07-12-2005, 11:07 AM	#10
Princess Princess Edit Guest	Oh yessss That is true... If you are fearing for your safety, life, purity, morals... Then get out of the relationship. If it is fear over "I like my singleness", "this is too much work", "I don't know if I want to date right now". Be careful... Breaking up, even if it's just for a short time, causes tons of stress on the relationship, some people say it makes it stronger, that is a false statement, it makes things weaker. Speaking these fears out to the other person helps though, As long as you assure them before you talk to them that you don't want to break up. Misunderstanding's are one of the highest causes for separations.