My Testimony

To everyone else, I was the normal fourtteen year old girl. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't exactly a loner either. I guess that I was know as the "happy" girl. I always had a smile on my face, and I always had a joke on hand when someone needed a laugh. But on the inside, I was screaming. No one knew of the sexual abuse I had endured as a child, or about the abusive boyfriend my mom had. They had no idea that I had been battling an eating disorder for years, or that the scars on my arms weren't from bathing my cat.

I felt like such a fake. I went to church everyday, but God's unconditional love was an enigma to me. How could someone who knew all my secrets actually be able to still love me? I thought that I was saved. I had followed my best friend up the altar to pray the prayer, and I had been to enough youth assemblys in my life, that I should of believed. I raised my hand when the choir sang, but I still had a hole in my heart.

Then, like so many other lost people, I tried to fill that hole. The cutting wasn't working, binging and then purging wasn't working, so I turned to something that "the church girl" would never do. I chose sex. I was dating one of the guys in my youth group, and he told me that he really loved me and there was only one way that I could show him that I loved him in return, so when he tried to have sex with me, I didn't stop him. It become an addiction, soon, instead of him pushing me to it, I would force it on him. The sastisfying feeling that I got from sex only lasted a little while. Eventually, we broke up. So, I turned to another guy in my youth group, and then another, and another, until, in a matter of months, I had given my body to five different guys. I felt like such a hypocrite, of course God couldn't love me now! I was overcome with guilt. I was tainted, dirty.

After about four months of this, I had had enough. I remember asking my self if I was strong enough to go on. I decided to choose the easy way out, suicide. Luckily, after I had taken a few pills, someone found me. I was shipped off to a private mental hospital. After a week there, I was deemed "unreachable", and I was sent to a state mental hospital. I learned how to fool the staff into thinking that I was better, so I was released after a week there. I left there with bipolar medication and strong sleeping pills.

A few weeks after getting out of the hospital, I had a sudden thought. Something inside of me said "if you died right now, where would you be?" I suddenly remembered what other people had told me about Jesus, who had died on the cross for my sins. Being the stubborn person that I am, I didn't want to believe what other people told me, I had to find out for myself. I started reading the Bible. I read all of the gospels, and I finally came to a conclusion. No matter what I've done, or how much I hate myself, God still loves me. He sent His Son to die for me. It was amazing. Though I was dirty because of my sin, He could make me clean. He could make a change in my life, if only I would let Him. A thousand pounds of guilt were lifted off of my shoulders. I let Him take all of that and throw it away. I know that He has a plan for my life, and I intend to fulfill that plan, whatever it may be.

I don't have to wonder now where I'm going when I die. I'm a new person in God's eyes. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says, Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

[A2J]

Hey Ashlie,

You've such an amazing testimoney. Its really encouraging, even though you've been through so much strife in your life, you've come to rely on God as your saviour. You're such an utterly amazing girl and let no one tell u different.

The Lord said to the apostle Paul, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." 2 Corinthians ch12 v 9


A.S.A.P

Always say a prayer!!

Neway Ashlie, always stay strong and never let the music fade!!

wow that was an amazing testimony!!!

[Baggs]

Wow...
That really is moving stuff. I'm so pleased you discovered the way Christ can change your life. God really does love all of us, and bit by bit I'm discovering this. It warms my heart to hear that he saved you too. I was going down a slippery slope before I was introduced to his love. Thankyou for showing us proof (if any was needed) of how incredible love for God is.