Cue music

And though I've never seen those holy tongues of fire
I feel you in my heart, you inspire me
I see you moving in the simple things
In the way you give me life, It's the reason I sing
-the show by sanctus real

A simple song kickstarted my transformation. You see, all of these years of my life, I'd been floating around, half alive and desperately seeking something to make life wonderful. I had always had that Catholic background. My grandfather, above all, instilling the importance of Christ and faith in my life. But then, he was taken away, so suddenly. As a child, my belief was not rocked completely. The years healed my confusion and disbelief.

Of course, another test had to come crashing in, even more chaoticly. In the seventh grade, my best friend since birth, my soul sister, was diagnosed with leukemia. I was devastated to say the least. She was such a beautiful soul though, so angelic and full of faith, that she didn't question God. Not for a single second did she shake her fist at the sky and say 'Why me?', like I so frequently did during her illness. Well, months after, her parents decided that treatment was unnatural, and there was a reason God was calling their baby home. I, however, turned away. Angry at all in the world and heaven, I shut down, denying Christ, denying my faith in the human race.

Two and 1/2 years after that, God..got fed up, for lack of better words. He put a large neon sign in front of me, going "Nuh uh, I don't think so." As my freshman year, one of the most drama-filled years of my life, drew to a close, I started to notice how sick I frequently felt. My vision would blur, my hands would shake, and sometimes my lungs felt so crushed that I could hardly breathe. I ignored this, being as stubborn as I could possibly be. Then, tennis season came around, and I was realizing I wasn't able to do a lot of the things I used to. I would get so tired only after twenty minutes of intense playing. One practice, the red flags went up. I couldn't move my legs. They had gone completely numb.

One hundred doctor visits and tests later, I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. Basically, an auto-immune neurological disorder. In Latin, it means "grave muscle weakness". The jist is: things in my body are eating the GOOD things like muscle tissue, etc. It's a very rare disease. So, again, I was forced to cry to the Heavens: Why me?

Lucky for me, my tennis coach is also a pastor at two different churches and a wonderful man. Everyday he would give me a new passage to read, and everyday he would help me fight through my doubt and confusion. Although I had started to reevaluate my faith, I was still tentative, still searching for answers. This was just the beginning.

Skip another half a year, and we've come to the part where Sanctus Real fits into all of this. In this span of time, I had fallen away from someone who I'd thought was my best friend(growing apart always sucks, doesn't it?), come to terms with my illness, and made a ton of new friends, all Christians and Catholics with unbelievable faiths. I had finally started going to church regularly again, even teaching Liturgy every 9 AM mass.

At the beginning of March, three weeks before my sixteenth birthday, my two current best friends asked me to join them on a retreat concentrating on reconciliation. Up to this point, we were merely really good acquaintances, knowing eachother through fellow friends. We were interested in getting to know eachother better, and I was just itching for a retreat.

The retreat was called The Show: An Upper Room Retreat, named after the song written by Sanctus Real (one of the greatest Christian bands EVER!). I truly can't say I expected it would have as much of an affect on me as it did. It was only over a weekend, but it changed my heart so profoundly. I cried as hard as I've ever cried in front of a group. All of the leaders talks, the feeling of the Spirit with my girls, the praise music...it was all so beautiful. I could feel His prescence right there with me as I kneeled in shame, asking Him for His forgiveness.

I could not ask for better sisters in Christ. I only pray that they know how much they changed my life. How, in that weekend, the resurrected and saved my faith. And hey, God bless Sanctus Real.

The Lord really has stolen the show for me. And I know now I'm never alone.

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Awesome testimony. And AMEN to that we're never alone!

I am praying for you daily.

God bless you and yours,
Jess