Superus: Book one:

Magister · 05-01-2005, 09:38 PM

Hello! This is a story I am working on. I am planning this to be part one of a series, that will be known as 'The Chronicals of Superus". They will be short stories, or novellas. Around 100 pages for each. Maybe less. I think they mightb e all in one book, who knows? I do want to get them published, though. But I thought I will share it here, and see what you guys think (its only the prologue and Ch.1). Enjoy!
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Prologue: Reality Check

The wind blew swiftly, yet gracefully. The sea roared its might, and rushed to the shore to battle sand. Yet, with all its power and might, it couldn’t break the invisible walls of the beach. The ocean was concealed once more, and flowed back to the blue abyss it came from.

As Allen looked out at the beautiful sea that seemed to be full of life, he is reminded of the simplicity of what created it: a ball of black mass that started it all. The Big Bang, in other words. Allen couldn’t visualize such an explosion, he only knew it was real. His eyes glistened with the moons radiance, as his lips formed a slight smile. His white teeth showed, and wind blew inside his moth. Cold, Allen thought to himself.

As Allen walked the shore, he kicked a few stones here and there. Every now and then, he would lean over, pick one stone up, and toss it into the ocean. It would skip on the surface for a few skips, and then sink into the chasm known as the Atlantic Ocean.

The wind blew Allen’s long black hair, tossed it about, and carried a message for Allen. This voice was faint, and by the sound of it, a females voice. It echoed, “Allen! Allen! Dinner’s ready.” A slight pause, “Do you hear my?” Allen looked over his shoulder, and he saw his mother standing where the shore met the grass. Time to eat. Thank the bang, for I was getting hungry, Allen thought as he strolled up to the beach house his parents owned. His mother started towards the house, too.

“How was school today?” Paul inquired.
“It was quite pleasant, father. What did you expect?” Allen smiled at his own sarcasm. His father did not join him.
“There is no need for a smart mouth, young boy. You will do well to remember that.” His father commanded in a deep, dark tone.
“Come on Paul, this is dinner. Lets not ruin a perfectly good evening because of sarcasm.” His mother, Samantha, politely and gently requested of Allen’s father.
Paul grunted. “You’re right.” He didn’t believe he was wrong, just learned to do what mother says.

The tension for the rest of the night was high. No one spoke at dinner. After, Paul and Samantha had some deep conversations about their day, and about religion. They both were Christian, yet Allen didn’t buy this God stuff. How can anything never have a beginning? Allen could not imagine such a being. No, his God was a bang. A Big Bang. He constantly thought about Science, his religion, and how everything began. He loved having debates with people of other faiths, because most of them were either mislead or ignorant. In either case, he always won.

Around nine o’clock, Allen decided to take one final walk on the beach. He loved these daily walks. He reflected on the day, thought about the girls he thought were cute, and created tales that crept from his fingers much like snakes slither away in the fields of grass. But, unknown to him at the time, this would be the last walk he would ever have. Well, at least on this shore.

As Allen was walking along the seashore, unconsciously kicking stones and shells, the night sky rippled. Literally. It rippled. It was like the sky itself was made of water, and someone threw a stone in it. White light pierced the night sky, made a hushed sound that reminded Allen of a silenced bullet. Allen shrieked in fear, as he evaded the light, that looked much like a rocket made up of light. His attempt was unsuccessful.

When the light rocket hit him, he felt pain everywhere but the place it hit. His nerves were shot. His eyes rippled with blood. His arms started to shake. His mind hurt. Strangely, for the moment, his chest, right in the center (where the light rocket slammed into) felt like heaven. Almost like he was num in that area. Then before he knew it, his conscious mind threw itself into a mental abyss. Allen is now dead.

© Copyright 2005 Allen Straith. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Allen Straith.
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You guys like? BTW, Allen will be reborn as Jeremiah, in a land called Superus. Hence the name of the story.

jcdesertvoice · 05-02-2005, 08:28 AM

I'd read more.

NeverAlone2820 · 05-02-2005, 05:34 PM

Allen - Wow that is good! Very detailed... Good job

Magister · 05-02-2005, 06:37 PM

Thanks guys for the kind words. I gatta finish it before Saturday! I am on a deadline here! hehe I wanan finish the novalla (or short story) before Saturday so I can give it to my girlfriend. And I am glad you guys are liking it. For once I actually added imagery in the first draft (for the reason that I am on a deadline). I have like...5 chapters I think. I'll post the rest (when its done; and I have time) on this web site that copyrights everything to me. And then give u link.

05-01-2005, 09:38 PM	#1
Magister Magister Edit AY! Newbie	Superus: Book one: Hello! This is a story I am working on. I am planning this to be part one of a series, that will be known as 'The Chronicals of Superus". They will be short stories, or novellas. Around 100 pages for each. Maybe less. I think they mightb e all in one book, who knows? I do want to get them published, though. But I thought I will share it here, and see what you guys think (its only the prologue and Ch.1). Enjoy! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prologue: Reality Check The wind blew swiftly, yet gracefully. The sea roared its might, and rushed to the shore to battle sand. Yet, with all its power and might, it couldn’t break the invisible walls of the beach. The ocean was concealed once more, and flowed back to the blue abyss it came from. As Allen looked out at the beautiful sea that seemed to be full of life, he is reminded of the simplicity of what created it: a ball of black mass that started it all. The Big Bang, in other words. Allen couldn’t visualize such an explosion, he only knew it was real. His eyes glistened with the moons radiance, as his lips formed a slight smile. His white teeth showed, and wind blew inside his moth. Cold, Allen thought to himself. As Allen walked the shore, he kicked a few stones here and there. Every now and then, he would lean over, pick one stone up, and toss it into the ocean. It would skip on the surface for a few skips, and then sink into the chasm known as the Atlantic Ocean. The wind blew Allen’s long black hair, tossed it about, and carried a message for Allen. This voice was faint, and by the sound of it, a females voice. It echoed, “Allen! Allen! Dinner’s ready.” A slight pause, “Do you hear my?” Allen looked over his shoulder, and he saw his mother standing where the shore met the grass. Time to eat. Thank the bang, for I was getting hungry, Allen thought as he strolled up to the beach house his parents owned. His mother started towards the house, too. “How was school today?” Paul inquired. “It was quite pleasant, father. What did you expect?” Allen smiled at his own sarcasm. His father did not join him. “There is no need for a smart mouth, young boy. You will do well to remember that.” His father commanded in a deep, dark tone. “Come on Paul, this is dinner. Lets not ruin a perfectly good evening because of sarcasm.” His mother, Samantha, politely and gently requested of Allen’s father. Paul grunted. “You’re right.” He didn’t believe he was wrong, just learned to do what mother says. The tension for the rest of the night was high. No one spoke at dinner. After, Paul and Samantha had some deep conversations about their day, and about religion. They both were Christian, yet Allen didn’t buy this God stuff. How can anything never have a beginning? Allen could not imagine such a being. No, his God was a bang. A Big Bang. He constantly thought about Science, his religion, and how everything began. He loved having debates with people of other faiths, because most of them were either mislead or ignorant. In either case, he always won. Around nine o’clock, Allen decided to take one final walk on the beach. He loved these daily walks. He reflected on the day, thought about the girls he thought were cute, and created tales that crept from his fingers much like snakes slither away in the fields of grass. But, unknown to him at the time, this would be the last walk he would ever have. Well, at least on this shore. As Allen was walking along the seashore, unconsciously kicking stones and shells, the night sky rippled. Literally. It rippled. It was like the sky itself was made of water, and someone threw a stone in it. White light pierced the night sky, made a hushed sound that reminded Allen of a silenced bullet. Allen shrieked in fear, as he evaded the light, that looked much like a rocket made up of light. His attempt was unsuccessful. When the light rocket hit him, he felt pain everywhere but the place it hit. His nerves were shot. His eyes rippled with blood. His arms started to shake. His mind hurt. Strangely, for the moment, his chest, right in the center (where the light rocket slammed into) felt like heaven. Almost like he was num in that area. Then before he knew it, his conscious mind threw itself into a mental abyss. Allen is now dead. © Copyright 2005 Allen Straith. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Allen Straith. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You guys like? BTW, Allen will be reborn as Jeremiah, in a land called Superus. Hence the name of the story.
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05-02-2005, 08:28 AM	#2
jcdesertvoice jcdesertvoice Edit Prophet/Prophetess	I'd read more. __________________ Go ye into all the world and preach the gospel to every nation for you are a word out of the mouth of God and you will not return unto Him void.
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05-02-2005, 05:34 PM	#3
NeverAlone2820 NeverAlone2820 Edit Prophet/Prophetess	Allen - Wow that is good! Very detailed... Good job __________________ Heroes are made when you make a choice 1 in 12 teens attempt suicide. 40% of teens are cutters. 48% are sexually active. 1 in 10 fifteen year olds have already gone through at least one divorce in their family. 29 people die every 30 seconds. *&& all of us just sit back* and watch it happen. This is our problem.** So let's wake up and change the world - our time is now
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05-02-2005, 06:37 PM	#4
Magister Magister Edit AY! Newbie	Thanks guys for the kind words. I gatta finish it before Saturday! I am on a deadline here! hehe I wanan finish the novalla (or short story) before Saturday so I can give it to my girlfriend. And I am glad you guys are liking it. For once I actually added imagery in the first draft (for the reason that I am on a deadline). I have like...5 chapters I think. I'll post the rest (when its done; and I have time) on this web site that copyrights everything to me. And then give u link.
Status: Offline