Its been a long day...

ThisIsMyUtopia · 04-29-2005, 04:58 PM

I was kind of looking forward to today because its Friday and Fridays are usually good. I really needed a good day after crying myself to sleep last night.

So, I get to social studies this morning and without any warning ahead of time, my social studies teacher decides we're going to watch a video about September 11. And thats when I knew I wasnt going to get the break I was looking for. Alot of people in the area I live in travel to New York everyday for work. So my community lost alot of people. And Ive never really been able to deal with it. Whenever something about 9/11 comes on I have to leave the room or I end up crying. I was really upset my teacher didnt let us know in advance that that was what we were going to be watching.

The rest of the day didnt get any better, I think because I already had that on my mind.

During gym today, a friend of mine was upset. And even though we arent the greatest friends, I listened to her and made sure she was okay. Im glad I did. I dont mind being there for people. But later I realized that our friendship is one of those we're only friends when she needs one kind of friendships. And I seem to have alot of those. Which Im sure isnt helping any, because Im always feeling bad about it. I think Im the worst judge of character. Im always befriending people who are never there for me.

I dont know... Ill probably spend all of tonight thinking (and/or crying) about it, until I can fall asleep.

I wish I knew how to make this better.

04-30-2005, 06:58 AM

Well...I'm kind of at a loss for words. But hang in there; nothing lasts forever.

Ed · 04-30-2005, 01:40 PM

wow - i can understand how that hurts knowing so many people from the 9/11 tragedy... I still sometimes get emotional bout it and im english and knew no-one personally... Though with time you will not feel the same intense sadness and hurt with it... it will grow compassion in you and help God to move thru you to reach out to others when they hurt. But not exactly encouraging now is it but guess what im saying is there is light at the end of the tunnel and God can really use your current vulnerability and grow you to be more christlike... Hmmm, as to the friends thing i'm praying for God to lead you to a really good christian mate that will be there to support you while you support others and impact the world!

Feel free to vent here as much as nessacary...

ThisIsMyUtopia · 05-01-2005, 08:42 PM

Im trying to hang in there...Ive heard nothing last forever, but at the moment Im not convinced thats true.

Thanks for the prayers Ed, Im hoping soon God will lead me to another christian, a good friend. I think that will make life easier.

Things are beginning to get better, I think, but I feel so unsure because it seems like moment I let my guard down and Im happy something else comes along. Tonight at church I was feeling alot better, and Ive got to thinking, maybe I just need to spend all my time at church. Whenever Im there, things are just so much better.

05-02-2005, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThisIsMyUtopia

Im trying to hang in there...Ive heard nothing last forever, but at the moment Im not convinced thats true.

Thanks for the prayers Ed, Im hoping soon God will lead me to another christian, a good friend. I think that will make life easier.

Things are beginning to get better, I think, but I feel so unsure because it seems like moment I let my guard down and Im happy something else comes along. Tonight at church I was feeling alot better, and Ive got to thinking, maybe I just need to spend all my time at church. Whenever Im there, things are just so much better.

Of course nothing lasts forever! If it didn't, I would be a lot older...lol

Spending more time at church would be good. Surround yourself with older people -- people you can relate to and trust. Believe it or not, they've been through the same things.

ThisIsMyUtopia · 05-02-2005, 03:56 PM

Thanks for the advice.

I think part of the problem is that I dont trust many people, so when I get upset or something happens, I feel like I have no one to turn to. I dont know, but still...thanks for the advice, its pretty good.

Ed · 05-02-2005, 04:11 PM

Hey again... Hmm trust is a big issue that so many Christians battle with - we shouldnt but the truth of the matter is we do because well - we only human. But i think that the best way to build trustful relationships is to go slow - dont say too much too soon unless the other person is acting as a counselor. Gradually telling them stuff and seeing htat you can trust them with each bit as they go along an they're staying with you thru it. But also let htem talk to you bout there problems. Helping someone else and taking the focus of your concerns can be really theraputic... So long as its not at the expspense of ignoring your troubled thoughts till your alone!

ThisIsMyUtopia · 05-02-2005, 06:22 PM

Thanks for the advice. Im glad to hear Im not the only one with trust issues, sometimes I feel like I am and I dont know it makes me feel bad I guess. None of my friends really seem to have the trust issuses I do. I do tend to ignore my own thoughts when someone else needs help. Ive gotten into the habit of putting others before me and my problems. I trust my friends but sometimes I feel like they arent really listening. Also, Im the one alot of my friends turn to so I feel like I have to be strong all the time so that others dont get discouraged. So whatever Im feeling, I just put on a smile so that the people around me smile too. Im sure that doesnt help it any.

Ed · 05-03-2005, 06:47 AM

Ok - well if you cant seem to get help from them and they all turning to you thats when i find its useful to have a freind totally detached from that group to talk to ya self - then when part of your problem is them all relying on you you can talk about it! Some great advice my youth leader gave me few years ago!

ThisIsMyUtopia · 05-03-2005, 08:27 PM

That is very good advice. Thanks for sharing it!

Im feeling better. We finally finished the movie in social studies. I dont understand why we had to stretch it out over three days. So I decided to write a letter to one of the fire departments that was really involved in September 11. I think that really helped me. I think its part of the reason Im feeling better. And hopefully its brought me closer to healing. I really think it has.

04-29-2005, 04:58 PM	#1
ThisIsMyUtopia ThisIsMyUtopia Edit AY! Newbie	Its been a long day... I was kind of looking forward to today because its Friday and Fridays are usually good. I really needed a good day after crying myself to sleep last night. So, I get to social studies this morning and without any warning ahead of time, my social studies teacher decides we're going to watch a video about September 11. And thats when I knew I wasnt going to get the break I was looking for. Alot of people in the area I live in travel to New York everyday for work. So my community lost alot of people. And Ive never really been able to deal with it. Whenever something about 9/11 comes on I have to leave the room or I end up crying. I was really upset my teacher didnt let us know in advance that that was what we were going to be watching. The rest of the day didnt get any better, I think because I already had that on my mind. During gym today, a friend of mine was upset. And even though we arent the greatest friends, I listened to her and made sure she was okay. Im glad I did. I dont mind being there for people. But later I realized that our friendship is one of those we're only friends when she needs one kind of friendships. And I seem to have alot of those. Which Im sure isnt helping any, because Im always feeling bad about it. I think Im the worst judge of character. Im always befriending people who are never there for me. I dont know... Ill probably spend all of tonight thinking (and/or crying) about it, until I can fall asleep. I wish I knew how to make this better.
Status: Offline

04-30-2005, 01:40 PM	#3
Ed Ed Edit Prophet/Prophetess	wow - i can understand how that hurts knowing so many people from the 9/11 tragedy... I still sometimes get emotional bout it and im english and knew no-one personally... Though with time you will not feel the same intense sadness and hurt with it... it will grow compassion in you and help God to move thru you to reach out to others when they hurt. But not exactly encouraging now is it but guess what im saying is there is light at the end of the tunnel and God can really use your current vulnerability and grow you to be more christlike... Hmmm, as to the friends thing i'm praying for God to lead you to a really good christian mate that will be there to support you while you support others and impact the world! Feel free to vent here as much as nessacary...
Status: Offline

05-01-2005, 08:42 PM	#4
ThisIsMyUtopia ThisIsMyUtopia Edit AY! Newbie	Im trying to hang in there...Ive heard nothing last forever, but at the moment Im not convinced thats true. Thanks for the prayers Ed, Im hoping soon God will lead me to another christian, a good friend. I think that will make life easier. Things are beginning to get better, I think, but I feel so unsure because it seems like moment I let my guard down and Im happy something else comes along. Tonight at church I was feeling alot better, and Ive got to thinking, maybe I just need to spend all my time at church. Whenever Im there, things are just so much better.
Status: Offline

05-02-2005, 03:56 PM	#6
ThisIsMyUtopia ThisIsMyUtopia Edit AY! Newbie	Thanks for the advice. I think part of the problem is that I dont trust many people, so when I get upset or something happens, I feel like I have no one to turn to. I dont know, but still...thanks for the advice, its pretty good.
Status: Offline

05-02-2005, 04:11 PM	#7
Ed Ed Edit Prophet/Prophetess	Hey again... Hmm trust is a big issue that so many Christians battle with - we shouldnt but the truth of the matter is we do because well - we only human. But i think that the best way to build trustful relationships is to go slow - dont say too much too soon unless the other person is acting as a counselor. Gradually telling them stuff and seeing htat you can trust them with each bit as they go along an they're staying with you thru it. But also let htem talk to you bout there problems. Helping someone else and taking the focus of your concerns can be really theraputic... So long as its not at the expspense of ignoring your troubled thoughts till your alone!
Status: Offline

04-30-2005, 06:58 AM	#2
WackoGuyFromDownSouth WackoGuyFromDownSouth Edit Guest	Well...I'm kind of at a loss for words. But hang in there; nothing lasts forever.

05-02-2005, 06:22 PM	#8
ThisIsMyUtopia ThisIsMyUtopia Edit AY! Newbie	Thanks for the advice. Im glad to hear Im not the only one with trust issues, sometimes I feel like I am and I dont know it makes me feel bad I guess. None of my friends really seem to have the trust issuses I do. I do tend to ignore my own thoughts when someone else needs help. Ive gotten into the habit of putting others before me and my problems. I trust my friends but sometimes I feel like they arent really listening. Also, Im the one alot of my friends turn to so I feel like I have to be strong all the time so that others dont get discouraged. So whatever Im feeling, I just put on a smile so that the people around me smile too. Im sure that doesnt help it any.
Status: Offline

05-03-2005, 06:47 AM	#9
Ed Ed Edit Prophet/Prophetess	Ok - well if you cant seem to get help from them and they all turning to you thats when i find its useful to have a freind totally detached from that group to talk to ya self - then when part of your problem is them all relying on you you can talk about it! Some great advice my youth leader gave me few years ago!
Status: Offline

05-03-2005, 08:27 PM	#10
ThisIsMyUtopia ThisIsMyUtopia Edit AY! Newbie	That is very good advice. Thanks for sharing it! Im feeling better. We finally finished the movie in social studies. I dont understand why we had to stretch it out over three days. So I decided to write a letter to one of the fire departments that was really involved in September 11. I think that really helped me. I think its part of the reason Im feeling better. And hopefully its brought me closer to healing. I really think it has.
Status: Offline